Woke up this morning still niggling over what happened 8 hours ago the night before. It started off well – nice BBQ at a friend’s place with good company. 3 hours later as we said our goodbyes, we were asked to pay our share of the dinner. Each person 4 EUR amounts to 20 EUR for the whole dinner. Cheap, yes. Good (food and company), yes but it leaves a bad taste because I had and will never charge my friends anything for coming to my place for dinner because if my friends made the effort to come to my place and join me, as a hostess it’s the least I can do is give them food and drinks. We brought a little something each for the dinner last night – a person made anti-pasti, another made a dip. I made a chocolate ganache. I was going to bring home the left over ganache to share with other friends but the friends at dinner liked it and asked for a “doggy bag”. It’s my pleasure that they liked it and no, how could I charge friends any money for something so trivial??


It is ridiculous. To charge your friends for something you could have easily afford to treat them. The total for all of us is 20 EUR. If it were 200 EUR and I were hosting, I wouldn’t even dare ask my guests to contribute because I will invite friends to my place only if I am able to afford! Why treat your friends like a transaction??


I asked some of my (other) friends what they thought. A close friend S said she didn’t see anything wrong in that. S and I have known each other for many years. Like me, she won’t charge her friends – her guests – for cooking for them or even letting them stay overnight at her place BUT she didn’t see anything wrong with what happened to me last night. She just think that my friend who hosted yesterday just have another belief: she believes that it is alright for her guests (friends) to pay for the food she put on her table.


Belief is very personal and very important.

We are what we think


All that we are arises

With our thoughts.


With our thoughts,

We make our world

The Buddha

Or for Christian believers

As he thinketh in his heart,

so is he

Proverbs 23:7

Belief that leads to conviction can be good and dangerous at the same time. If you believe you need to lose weight, nothing might happen but if you are convinced that it is necessary then you’ll do something about it (take action). The danger is when you have a fanatical belief and conviction like the suicide bombers or people who attack and kill others in the name of religion.


I consider myself fortunate that an event a year ago opened my eyes and see the need to reflect. Without reflection, you can go on believing in what you believe and be blind to alternatives and do the things the way you have done.


Like Anthony Robbins’ take on the concept of Deming’s and eventually the Japanese Kaizen concept, he asked if we can lead a life of CANI = Constant And Never-ending Improvement. Can we ask ourselves:

What have I learnt today?

What did I contribute or improve?

What did I enjoy?

By constantly reflecting (ourselves), will it improve our ability to enjoy our life and richness? Will it make us aware and learn to be aware of our environment incl. friends? Until one has had the opportunity to realise the power of reflection, you can’t fault them for their beliefs.


Can we un-do Stubbornness?



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